Does the thought of writing your own wedding vows make you break out into a cold sweat? No problem! There’s nothing wrong with using traditional wedding vows. But if you really want to write your own vows, relax! It’s not as daunting as it might seem, and the end result is absolutely worth it.
Most religious weddings have their own traditional vows. The vows most commonly heard in movies and television are Episcopal vows, and they can be used in either religious or non-religious ceremonies. C’mon, we all know them: “I (name), take you, (name), to be my (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death we are parted. This is my solemn vow.” It’s timeless and quite lovely, isn’t it? If you want to write your own vows, you can incorporate parts of traditional vows, or use them as a reference point for writing your own original wedding vows. We even have these His and Her Vow Books and Ivory Wedding Vow Books that can be ready for you at the alter. If you want to memorize them, write out your vows in a journal and practice before the wedding.
There are several ways to find inspiration for your wedding vows:
- Ask yourself questions about your relationship. Really think about your answers and use them as a starting place for your vows.
- Why did you fall in love with him?
- What’s his best quality?
- What good qualities does he bring out in you?
- What do you most respect about him?
- What do you miss about him when you’re apart?
- How does he inspire you?
- Read other vows. Reading other people’s declarations of love is sure to light a spark with your own vow writing.
- Look through poetry books. Poets love to write about love (of course!), so do some reading and take note of words and themes that strike a chord with you.
Besides the wording of your vows, you should also consider these dos and don’ts:
- Do include promises, both broad and specific. Promises are an integral part of vows.
- Do decide if you and your fiancé want to read the same vows or different ones
- Do decide (with your fiancé) on the tone. Serious? Slightly light-hearted? Unabashedly romantic? Choose a style that defines your style as a couple.
- Do write a draft and practice out loud. That will give you a chance to make changes, practice pacing and feel more confident when you do it for real.
- Do write your vows on index cards and give them to the officiant to hold until it's time for you to recite them.
- Do decide whether you’ll share your vows with each other before your wedding day or wait to reveal them to your intended at the altar.
- Do keep your vows to about 2 - 3 minutes each.
- Don’t include embarrassing stories, inside jokes and sarcasm. There's a time and place for that, but reciting your vows in front of friends and family is probably not it.
- Don’t use clichés. Even if you’re thinking in sappy clichés, try to come up with new and better ways to describe what’s in your heart. You can do it!
Writing your own wedding vows can be both challenging and rewarding. With some brainstorming and plenty of practice, you’ll be able to write and recite wedding vows that have extra special meaning as you embark on your life together.
Finish this final month {yes, final month!} with tips on tipping vendors, thank you notes and wedding seating charts, do's and don'ts. Before you know it, you’ll be on the dance floor with your husband!
See more tips for every phase of your planning process in our Month-by-Month Wedding Planning Guide.
Article written by: Heather Clark
